Friends ?

Loads of people I know say friends are their other family or second family. Which reminds me of my favourite Japanese manga series NARUTO! Many people question why I’m watching it as it looks like a show for kids , but they are just haters and they ain’t true Naruto fans so their opinion is  irrelevant for me haha. But anyway Naruto is incredible the fact that he started alone with no friends and worked his way up to becoming one of the strongest and the amount of people that followed him , would die for him , died for him and the fact that he could changed peoples opinions because of his believing is amazing. From a boy that was cursed and told to be dangers he became a boy that everyone looked up to and where inspired and became his family! Which shows to me that friendship can be really important and give you extra strength. Even tough its not real its just made up the tale of the story is still inspiring and amazing.

So when I think about it I don’t have my “second family”I don’t have many friends I wasn’t a popular kid in school or college or anywhere. I was one of those kid that got laugh at so it kinda made me closed up shy and awkward girl. Like I said in previous post I hate my past and wish to forget all the mistakes and stupid stuff I did and happen to me. Loads of my close friends end up being fake behind my back , the kinda friends I told my darkest secrets  too which had no problem with sharing it with others… Even tough I should of learned I met one more friend ,which I though we could be friends till we die (something like best friends) but I was wrong after I went to university I found out what she really tough about me and my problems and I just stop talking to her. She messaged me once just ONCE asking about something I didn’t reply and she deleted me of everything .. she didn’t even try to find out what’s wrong which clearly showed me I f**ked up again trusting someone. I don’t do best friend thing like I wish I did but I don’t I had two when I was younger and now we don’t even talk we don’t even say ‘hey ‘when we see each other.

So I only have my first family my main most important family. Even though they have their own problems they always seem to be there for me. 

I don’t want to care about what people think about me but I do. I overthinking like literally EVERYTHING! like for example if I go to a shop an see someone I know , I will probably say hey and talk with them for a bit .Afterwards I’m going to start thinking did I act okay ,did I say anything stupid , did I look okay etc. + this ends up going into me reminding myself of my past and overthinking my whole life .. it happens like 5 times a day at lest . I dare you to get in my head and not go crazy 🙂

its funny how people say your mistakes and all what you going through will only make you stronger and god has a special plan for you…yh right I’m only 20 and I already have enough of getting stronger.

I  went through shit loads of stuff and it made me a person I don’t recognized any more I used to get along with everyone and laugh at everything and now …now I’m quiet , rather be alone ….now I’m nothing.



10 thoughts on “Friends ?

  1. You are not “nothing” .. you are your own person and each person has their own way of being someone… I understand the overthinking part… it happens a lot to me as well lol.. but stay positive.

    Liked by 1 person

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